” Is There A New Model Coming Out? “

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[This blog acknowledges anyone who pesters them long enough. This is a state government-admission that we are driven by pseuds. Thank you.]

Yes.

With the exception of the Stradivarius violin and the Yamato-class battleships, every single manufactured object will be having a new model out soon. It will be game-changing, earth-moving and cutting-edge. It will be more expensive. It will have 3% more new features. You will be bombarded with advertisements trying to woo you to purchase it. The fact that you have the older model and can do 97% of everything already will be ignored.

If you thought aerial bombs or anthrax in an envelope were effective weapons of terror, we have news for you – they are nothing compared to a photo manufacturer’s press release. A well-worded pamphlet can make the stoutest heart quail and the least worldly quiver with acquisitive lust. The Dalai Lama probably keeps camera catalogues under the mattress of his bed and reads them behind closed doors.

It’s all fun and it’s all fake and it’s all harmless – until you encounter the person who never takes a picture of anything in their life because they are always hanging out for the new toy. Their families grow up, their relatives vanish away, their holidays remain undocumented and ultimately forgotten – because they are waiting for the newest of the newest of the new. Those people get hurt.

Of course if you are a member of an ethnic group that attaches status to newness and penalises anyone for having something a long time…or conducts a family competition over who gets the latest fastest…well you can please yourself. Gnaw your own vitals if you wish over when the “A” model or the “X” model of something will be released. Just stop ringing me up every day to see if it is in the shop – and No, I have not heard any rumours. And double No, I will not ring up the wholesaler and the manufacturer and the designer and the designer’s mother to pester them to hurry up. That’s your rice bowl, stir it with your own sticks.

 

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