” I’ll Tell Everyone About You “

mel2014 171Ah, the dear days when I worked as a worm under the heel of the retail customer. How I long for them again. Not.

But being a worm had its advantages. The mighty – and there were a number of them in any week – had defective eyesight when it came to looking down. In some cases their noses got in the way and in others they were mounted on such a high horse that they never really got a clear view of the ground. Until it rushed up at them…

They also had faulty ears – they could hear their own voices but couldn’t understand smaller voices from smaller people. They had particular trouble with the word “No”.

But these flaws did not affect the worms. Worms saw very well and heard very well – it must have been the diet of dirt that did it – and they had good memories. Worms could also be a merry lot when they saw something that amused them – like the sight of the high and mighty standing begging. It was not the act itself that caused the glee – it was the clumsy way in which it was performed.

You see, sometimes the mighty found out that the rest of the general population did not appreciate them as much as they did themselves. And the plaudits, affection, and fees did not roll in to any great extent. The mighty sometimes thought that this would change if they were to use newer camera equipment or other items of high monetary value…but they did not have the wherewithal to purchase these. This is the point at which they rode their high horses into the shop and demanded to speak to the owner.

If they were arrogant bandits on high horses they might have demanded cameras with menaces…” Stand and deliver, Sirrah!” is a fine-sounding phrase, but it doesn’t work these days. It is hard to get a horse pistol on a club license…


Failing this, we saw a number of them try the “Old Friend” ploy…and one tried the “Old Fiend” as well. No good. Old friends do not demand free cameras. Old fiends do not get them.

One chap tried all the ploys of companionship, correlation, and consanguinity, but was finally reduced to saying that if he got a free top-end DSLR for free he would tell everyone about it. A more horrifying protect would be hard to imagine – it would start all the other high-horsers in the door. Like Von Bredow’s Death Ride…I admired the owner of the shop for not exploding in laughter or wrath.

Because the whole thing finally came down to Will Roger’s advice: ” If you want to see what you are really worth, try commanding someone else’s dog.”.

Or worm, for that matter.

PS: Never make a habit of asking ” What’s my price? ” and expecting to get a discount. Eventually someone will tell you the price they would sell you at and you’ll be surprised at the modest figure…


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