When You Know How To Use A Spoon…


Are you becoming slightly annoyed at the quality of the training videos that are on the net these days? Particularly the photographic ones? Well join the club. Here, I’ll show you on this YouTube clip how to pick up a ball-point pen to fill out the application. You use your fingers. They are on the ends of your hands.

I welcome video instruction in certain things. I should be uncertain how to weave rope from a description in a book and diagrams might not be much help when it came to seeing how much tension to keep on the rider as the rope machine was turned. I’ve seen a YouTube clip showing just this procedure and if I wanted to do it, I reckon I could. 5 minutes well spent.

I do not, however, think that I have had my life enriched by watching someone unbox a new camera or find the saturation slider in Photoshop  – particularly if it takes them fifteen minutes of staring at the camera and earnestly speaking. I could spend that quarter of an hour poking every shiny object on the screen with far greater effect.

Every grandmother has had the experience of their offspring’s offspring patiently teaching them how to suck eggs, and they put up with it out of love. I owe no such emotion to the idiots on the net who try to become video stars on the strength of pressing the ‘ on ‘ button and telling us how they did it. They hope to go viral – I heartily wish they would, and I’d add bacterial as well.

I’m not sure if this sort of condescending twaddle is purely North American – I suspect it is not, because I have seen some awful rubbish from Singapore with much the same content. With no facility in any language other than English I cannot say whether other nationalities do as badly.

My only hope for the future of the world is the authoritarian nature of some regimes and the notable humourlessness of different places in the world. Presumably the authorities in these countries will zero in on the culprits and whisk them off to jail. I am prepared to email them a file with a cake in it.


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