The Righteousflex – A Camera For The Socially Aware

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If you have been following the recent events in America and Japan you will realise that the tsunami that was predicted to devastate poor old Sendai Prefecture was really the fault of Donald Trump and the Illuminati. Naturally you will be appalled by this and will demand that all thinking photographers relinquish their DSLR and mirror-less cameras for more sensitive, caring, democratically aligned photo gear. The Righteousflex People’s Co-operative has the very thing you need.

The Righteousflex D1 is a camera that not only can be operated by everyone, but actually needs a steering committee of artistic advisers to take pictures. It has 15 separate release buttons set at different points on either side of the camera and each one must be pressed in unison to operate the shutter. No male-dominated oppression here. If this happens more than twice it sends an alert signal to local authorities.

In addition, the camera processor has been programmed by the Central Committee of Goodness And Fairy Rainbows to recognise porn when it sees it – even if it is the sort of stealth porn where everyone is wearing their clothes and sitting around discussing Hegel. It will stoutly refuse to work under these circumstances and is programmed to send an alert signal to the local authorities.

Ethnic minorities are also protected by the Righteous Spectro-Analyser metering that sets the exposure for the darkest face it can see, regardless of whether it is in the centre of the picture or not. If no dark faces are detected it sends an alert signal to local authorities.

The camera also shuts itself down during all religious holidays apart from those authorised in Mecca, Mumbai, and Mandalay. Again, try to take a picture of Christmas lights or a hanukkiah and it sends an alert signal to local authorities.

One technical point – you may have to change the connector on the end of your electronic flash gun to use it on the Righteousflex D1. The one that is fitted is not a PC…

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