The Satellite Cam

Move over WiFi. The design team has found a new frontier to conquer and it is going to cost plenty. We are going into space.

Okay – that would have sounded big in 1957, but since then there have been any number of dogs, monkeys, and people stretched out from here to the moon. So what is so big about space?

Well, up until now your pictures have either gone onto a roll of film, or an electronic sensor, and thence into a memory card. From whence it could go to a computer by solid wire or radio signal, if you were close enough to the computer. Or it could go to your mobile phone if you had done the 14 steps to electronically link the camera to the phone. And then you could feed it with another 14 steps through to your desktop computer.

Now the camera – the Flapoflex Sky One – will automatically send your image to Flaptel – the low-orbit satellite – and thence it will be beamed down to your iFlap computer at your home. It will be there faster than you will, and won’t even need to go to the toilet once it comes in the front door. And the best news is – you won’t need a memory card in your camera. You save a whopping 1.617 cc in the interior of your camera, and that space can be devoted to swimming pools and libraries with wing-back chairs. It will be the dawn of a new era of sophistication.

The possibility that your signal will be intercepted and sent off to Langley or Novosibirsk for analysis by shadowy figures is small. As long as you are not photographing passwords for the local safe deposit boxes you should be alright. The occasional dump of an entire wedding or explosive camera fire is a small price to pay for being the first kid on the block  with the new technology. Let’s face it, they laughed at Werner von Braun when he bombarded London with high explosives and didn’t that work out well in the end?

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